do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
