sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
