Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
