remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
