She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
