Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
