So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
