My liver just broke up with me...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
