after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i drank out of a bidet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
