I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
