my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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