Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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