In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
