Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
