She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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