u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
