i may or may not be watching the land before time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
