They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
