found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
