I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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