My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am available for nakedness
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
