My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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