some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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