Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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