the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
