i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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