i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
