The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
