Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
