i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
