Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
