I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
