I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this just has baby written all over it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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