I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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