Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
