she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
