The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
