If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
