these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
