i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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