Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
