why didn't you poke me back
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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