My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
