I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
