Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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