That's intense
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
