umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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