Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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