We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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