My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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